A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. - John 13:34-35

It's one thing to be a part of an organization. It's another thing to be a part of the community. - Travis Kelce

In last week’s blog, I talked about building a small group. I included all the pieces of what you need in order to create a small group and gave you as many tips and tricks as I could. If you missed it, you can read it HERE. As I was thinking about the blog over the past few weeks, I started to notice the importance of building community. 

We live in a very lonely time. In fact, there have been several studies done and articles written all about the loneliness epidemic we are all facing. Here are a few if you are interested in learning more:

• Loneliness is Plaguing Americans: https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2024-02-01/loneliness-is-plaguing-americans-in-2024-poll
• Harvard on Loneliness: https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/02/harvard-thinking-podcast-explores-loneliness-epidemic/
• The U.S. Surgeon General on the Loneliness Epidemic: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

With all of this loneliness going around, it seems like the answer would be to intentionally build community. To spend time with people that are life-giving. To seek out more opportunities to spend time with like-minded people. To remind ourselves that the internet is not a replacement for time with real human beings. Yet… this can be an insurmountable and difficult task! Community is not easy.  

BUT… I’M AN INTROVERT

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” - Kurt Vonnegut

I am the type of person that brings a book to a party, or more lately, I’ve been bringing my knitting. I have this incredible social anxiety. I am full of social awkwardness, and I just can’t seem to handle big groups. I am a classic introvert. The first time I read the book Quiet by Susan Cain, I felt like I had opened a window in my soul. 

So honestly, my first reaction when someone says that I need to build a community or suggests that we host a party is to withdraw into my home and wish for isolation. However, I have two small children, my husband is very outgoing, and my job at our church is built around my ability to host events and connect with people. All of this means that I can’t use introversion as an excuse to escape from people.

I would like to suggest that there are many reasons you should look at any of the excuses you hold against being in a community or trying to interact with people. My guess is that your excuses are not enough. You may be introverted, or busy, or exhausted, or any number of things. Those are all very valid! But none of them are worth it, if it’s keeping you feeling lonely. 

SO, WHAT DO I DO?

“Some people stand by you in your darkest hour while others walk away; only a select few march towards you and become even closer friends.” - Jeffrey Archer

I’ll be honest, I am not a total expert at community. It’s just something that I have been working on! As time has passed, I have found a few things that really help me.  

1. It’s ok to set boundaries!

I like to make sure that I have enough time to prepare and recover from any event or really anything that zaps your energy. I also usually make sure that I have a plan for what will be happening, and when I’m going to leave. 

      2. Choose your people carefully.

In general, you actually get to choose who you spend time with! So, choose carefully. For those people that you spend the most time with, make sure that you choose people who are life-giving. No one is perfect! But that also doesn’t mean that you can’t be intentional with your relationships. 

       3. Guard your time.

There are obvious exceptions to the ability to choose who you spend time with. And if this is the case, you can also be careful how much or what kind of time you spend with someone. 

       4. Keep it fun!

If you aren’t sure how to build community, start by doing something intentionally fun with the people nearest you. Maybe it’s that small group you started! Or friends you haven’t seen in a while. Or even your neighbors. Do something fun and invite people you want to get to know better. 

       5. Be intentional 

Community is built through little things over time. The more time you spend with someone, the more memories you create. All of this leads to better relationships, and deeper community. 

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. - Ecc. 4:9-12

COMMUNITY

“The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members.” - Coretta Scott King

Community and creating it is a process. It’s something that takes time, energy and intentionality. Sadly, it doesn’t usually happen easily or overnight. So if you are desiring community and you really want to build it, here are a few books I suggest reading to help give you the resources you need!

• Find Your People by Jennie Allen
• Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst
• Everybody Always by Bob Goff
• How to Walk Into a Room by Emily P. Freeman
• Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

LONELINESS IS A PART OF THE PROCESS

“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” – Rudyard Kipling

Sometimes I need to remind myself, so I am going to remind you too, loneliness is ok. Loneliness can be a reminder that it’s time to seek community! It’s an emotion that can allow you to connect more deeply with the people around you, and most importantly, to connect with God. I am praying for you that this is a season of finding your people and building beautiful community!